its much too late for me to be up. but i dunno just felt like blogging. not like i have much to blog abt oo lah but nvm haha... tml is leaders retreat. i dunno lah haha. i think sometimes i rather not play all those games and have all this interactions stuff. i thot it was going to be some learning thing with sermons and stuff... but darren told me yst tt its games and like leaders getting to know each other... i mean i know its important to be accountable and stuff but i guess i feel that i already have enough pple to support me and stuff and the rest are like guys. 10 da boyz are going... no offence but i dont really like some of them at the moment haha... its so hard to love i feel. was talking to marcus abt it during chem lect today and i felt abit bad. like i was telling him tt to disciple is to love your disciple not to treat it as a chore or a duty... but its not as if i have ever done it before and i really dunno if i can keep loving when im tired or like stressed and stuff...there is so much that i dont know yet and like i know my faults. and i pray that God will continue to show them to me... but i really wish tt i would have the courage to try what i have been taught. but sometimes its so hard for me to. its so easy to say that oh yes God i want to do this and this but its totally another issue to do it. i know i want to be a missionary but i guess sometimes i am scared? or like i will dream that i will have such and such a car or house or soemthing... then i have to bring myself back to earth and remind myself tt i am not called to do that. i geuss its a learning experience but i really wish that it was easier haha. anyway. back to love. i really wish i had more. i was telling marcus tt when u dun have enough love to love the unlovabe, thats when u must call upon the love of God to shine through you. when u become the instrument for God to show His love for a person. and i dunno how i can say such things when i dont even do it in my own life. i guess i do try but it never seems to work! sometimes i really feel very frustrated i guess... i dunno. pray for me.


anyway marcus was asking me y i pushed myself so far frm char and shella but not him even tho hes like hurt me before and he definately doesnt consider me tt gd a fren as i do him. i really dunno y actually haha. i said that maybe its cos they show it to my face... tt they prefer each other and tt im not really part of their small little group where they can share all the happenings in their lives, but he doesnt. cos his church frens are not in sch anyway and tho he like runs off to them whenever he can, when hes in sch, i am one of his closer frens. something liddat lah haha... either tt or im just biased against girls haha. cindy was telling me tt she thinks girls suck cos they are superficial and bithcy and guys are much better. i think sometimes i lean towards tt view... like the guy i know, they may make fun of u and stuff but they also make me laugh i guess and i feel so much more comfortable among them. whereas when im with girls im the one having to make pple laugh and i guess its too tiring sometimes haha... i dunno man. tts y my church frens rock! we are all equally mad so we can just entertain each other all the time :)


today had gym. i think tt some pple are much nicer now. its like the stuff tt made me so irritated before have kinda faded and i think ya i like her now haha... shes really not bad lah! tho ed is still evil and mean. ok i think im qt bad to wincent haha... like sarcastic to him abt his attendance and stuff. but its true ok. i dont see y he cant make it for trg ALL THE TIME. i mean once or twice or maybe a few more cos of hse cap stuff ok lal but pls. he hasnt come for trg for like a mnth ok. i bet his fitness is crap now. to think tt once i thot he had potential to be qt hardowrking and stuff... lingpeng was apologising to me for missing so many trgs oso haha... but at least for him i believe tt he really cant make it and stuff... dunno lah. this yr im like so onz abt trg haha... crazy girl. anyway. the mad woman strikes again. i guess zy is not too happy tt we keep telling her not to train and sorry if ur reading this man but i really feel tt she shldnt lor. i know tt she thinks tt its an indication of her mental strength. but u can have all the mental strength in the world but if ur physical is not there its not going to be very useful. and if you keep trg even when u are supposed to rest, even if it is another body part u are exercising, you are just harming ur physical strength and giving urself more injuries in the long term. its not like we will think ur slacking ok. (cos she NEVER slacks) i feel that its something to be respected that a person is able to know when to stop and when to pia. and when ur injured is DEFINATLY a time to stop. ok i will stop nagging now haha... its really all just concern for u ok!! :)


sianz. tml gotta go and fill in the registration for the nats. going to hav to pon bio lect to do it haha... cos both zy and ed having class... nvm lah. mr chuah sucks anyway. waste my time lor. go for his stupid l;ect on stupid plants. its all sec sch stuff anyway... and its as boring as it was in sec sch! just worse. cos in sec sch i had ms thomas heh. she rocks. hmm. better go and sleep now i geuss haha... maybe tml i will just run away frm the games and go somewhere with my bible myself. everyone always thinks i like this kinda stuff and tt its so fun to play games and stuff but i really rather have a sermon or teach in or something... at least i am making all the effort to go there for something other than fun and games... i told darren this yst and he thot i was mad haha... they all did. but i really feel tt way lor! oh wells. i dunno lah haha. maybe God will have something for me to learn thru it still! :)

OH! i got an A for my maths!!! so happyyyyyyyy heh. *thank you GOD!!!* anddddddd.... i beat somebody heh. :p